Instinct to Surrender

 Tonight the longest of the year, the past whispers, even as a tombstone settles gently on the grave of long buried dreams, so long ago even what ifs fail to rear their ugly heads.  A soft smile tugs with the  memories.  Stars and the moon and empty country roads.  Laughter dancing on the wind.  Wishes and dreams and a love that would span decades bloomed.  I remember, and I am profoundly grateful for those days.  That beginning would eventually evolve and forge a bond that would see us through unimagined battlefields that drew blood, sweat, and tears, yet somehow within all that hardship...we each continued to find pieces of ourselves. My heart weeps with sheer joy and relief at tomorrow's new beginning.  Feeling Fate's guiding hand and seeing Destiny manifest leaves me breathless with wonder.  The fit is so natural and right.  Finally, the truth that was always so clear to me is seen.  It was all meant to be.  ") Yet a p...

12.01.23 I realized in mid-August (three month ago) when I couldn't find a single spark of anger despite irritation and total disagreement that I was falling in love with him.   End of October when my Lioness lost her ever-lovin mind, I had no choice but to face I was in love.   Tonight, in the shower, while getting ready for original plans, the only urge I felt was to shrug off the sure guarantee of COVID, and get to Him, so my hands could ease His pain and my soul could sink into His/Our energy. And that's when it smacked me in the face...I'm in vanilla love with Him.   Fuuuuuuuck me.  THIS...this is something ALL together different.   My emotions aren't dependent to a dynamic, to an exchange, to acts of Dominance or Pain or good Dick.  ~sigh~  Hell...if I'm being honest, they aren't even dependent on knowledge, access, or consistency.  There are no strings attached or circumstances that frame my love—AKA boundaries that coul...

My currents truths… He should scare the shit out of me. My response to him should DEFINITELY scare the shit outta me. Somehow there’s not a whisper of logic, caution, or anxiety. Instead I find myself stripped almost bare, waiting for him to chose what he desires most from me in that moment. I don’t understand how or why there’s a lack of defense nor do I seek those answers—a shock to anyone who knows me. From the beginning with Him, I have simply accepted what was. I’ve never been more sure of anyone. Illogical. Reckless. I’m not even guarding myself from looking a fool.  If I tumble to the dirt in front of everyone who loves me, so be it. At least they saw me give me all rather than hesitate on the sidelines in fear. Months ago, in a long sit, my Lioness offered me her wisdom. There is nothing but now. Yesterday is irrelevant. Tomorrow will be decided by today’s path. Only now matters, and now only lasts an instant. None of that explains my deep, visceral, off-the-charts ...

Damn...I can feel it fucking stalking me, slowly, like a wary animal assessing a new foe.  I'd hoped the amplified energy I've learned to cultivate would be a wall it couldn't penetrate.  As the brain chemicals start to ebb, the dull headache and dizziness begin to take hold.  Balance.  ~drinks water~  Still it comes...relentlessly creeping forward.  I meditate.  I stretch.  Balance.  Yet none of it is enough to avoid Top drop's vicious jaws.  ~sigh~ I just wish the physical transition paid the balance due, but it's never enough.  The Universe will only be satisfied once a full payment clears.  I must surrender.  In the absence of an Owner, I must face the empty throne I hold in my soul.  Balance.  I'm not sure there is anything crueler for someone who identifies as property.  The emotional pendulum swing will leave me nearly crippled.  I'll be on my knees soon, head pressed to the cool wood floor,...

I dig my toes into the rich cool ground. I slip into the tide’s all-consuming embrace. I climb toward the heat and light of the flame. I lift my face and open my heart to the fresh breeze. I stand on the edge of the world and raise my gaze to the sun and moon. And I laugh in joy and total surrender to the Universe’s call. I have no desire to live in the comfort of easy. I am drawn by instinct to the elements that destroy worlds and feed souls. Will you join me? Or will you remain safely at a distance? And try to wrestle The Universe for control? Of yourself. Of me. Of Us. I wait. And I watch. For you to choose our Fate. Will you sink with me into the power of Mother Earth? Will you ride the ocean’s crashing waves with me? Will you burn hot and bright with me in the inferno we create? Will you fly next to me to dizzying heights into the wind? Will you grab my hand to leap and fall with me into ethereal space? Where we could bask in all the blessings the Universe has offered. Will you fi...