4am Truths
My currents truths…
He should scare the shit out of me. My response to him should DEFINITELY scare the shit outta me. Somehow there’s not a whisper of logic, caution, or anxiety. Instead I find myself stripped almost bare, waiting for him to chose what he desires most from me in that moment. I don’t understand how or why there’s a lack of defense nor do I seek those answers—a shock to anyone who knows me. From the beginning with Him, I have simply accepted what was. I’ve never been more sure of anyone. Illogical. Reckless.
I’m not even guarding myself from looking a fool. If I tumble to the dirt in front of everyone who loves me, so be it. At least they saw me give me all rather than hesitate on the sidelines in fear.
Months ago, in a long sit, my Lioness offered me her wisdom. There is nothing but now. Yesterday is irrelevant. Tomorrow will be decided by today’s path. Only now matters, and now only lasts an instant.
None of that explains my deep, visceral, off-the-charts response to him.
His mere presence steals my breath and wraps around my soul. There’s a gentleness and intention that unravels me. Combined with the contrast of our natural jet-fuel energy, I feel like I’m standing in multiple planes of existence at once. The knowledge of rightness is absolute.
Then i meet his gaze. ~sigh~ In his eyes I see a doorway to a thousand moments of possibilities if we can get this right - a lightening storm of blindingly clear visions filled with passion and peace and an overwhelming wealth of pure joy. I’ve never this kind of potential. It feels...effortless, like all we have to do is say yes, and it will all fall into place. He could easily destroy the lifetime of shoeboxes I possess, and I wouldn’t lift a finger to stop him.
The simplest of touches shatters my awareness of everyone and everything else in the world. Time stops, and my entire focus narrows to the point (or points) where his body meets mine. Nothing else matters but Him, His touch, and the energy of Us that hums and pulses around us.
All these wonderful, beautiful gifts…why I continue to lean in hard and surrender in my trust in the Universe.
But then there’s practical reality. I can’t escape my current status on the bench. ~sigh~ I understand some of the causes. The ugly hurdle I can’t erase requires a Man to recognize and want the reward of my full value not just momentary surface-level thrill rides. He’s thoughtful, kind, and again…intentional, and navigating my hurdle won’t be taken lightly.
His life is much more and less complicated than mine. Even scaled back, the intensity of us either takes up room he likely didn’t have or demands an involvement he wasn’t ready to take. Will he want or be able to find space for Us? Does he want the intensity of Us? Or will he make us scale back so far that we only starve what could be?
~sigh~ I trust The Universe. I trust him. I follow the positive energy.
But maybe it’s time the Lioness downshifts, stops running, and simply matches pace with what he’s offering at the moment. I hate watching time and opportunities evaporate, but I can’t propel this journey alone nor from the fucking sidelines. If I’m not truly in the game, there’s no point in running in circles.
He should scare the shit out of me. My response to him should DEFINITELY scare the shit outta me. Somehow there’s not a whisper of logic, caution, or anxiety. Instead I find myself stripped almost bare, waiting for him to chose what he desires most from me in that moment. I don’t understand how or why there’s a lack of defense nor do I seek those answers—a shock to anyone who knows me. From the beginning with Him, I have simply accepted what was. I’ve never been more sure of anyone. Illogical. Reckless.
I’m not even guarding myself from looking a fool. If I tumble to the dirt in front of everyone who loves me, so be it. At least they saw me give me all rather than hesitate on the sidelines in fear.
Months ago, in a long sit, my Lioness offered me her wisdom. There is nothing but now. Yesterday is irrelevant. Tomorrow will be decided by today’s path. Only now matters, and now only lasts an instant.
None of that explains my deep, visceral, off-the-charts response to him.
His mere presence steals my breath and wraps around my soul. There’s a gentleness and intention that unravels me. Combined with the contrast of our natural jet-fuel energy, I feel like I’m standing in multiple planes of existence at once. The knowledge of rightness is absolute.
Then i meet his gaze. ~sigh~ In his eyes I see a doorway to a thousand moments of possibilities if we can get this right - a lightening storm of blindingly clear visions filled with passion and peace and an overwhelming wealth of pure joy. I’ve never this kind of potential. It feels...effortless, like all we have to do is say yes, and it will all fall into place. He could easily destroy the lifetime of shoeboxes I possess, and I wouldn’t lift a finger to stop him.
The simplest of touches shatters my awareness of everyone and everything else in the world. Time stops, and my entire focus narrows to the point (or points) where his body meets mine. Nothing else matters but Him, His touch, and the energy of Us that hums and pulses around us.
All these wonderful, beautiful gifts…why I continue to lean in hard and surrender in my trust in the Universe.
But then there’s practical reality. I can’t escape my current status on the bench. ~sigh~ I understand some of the causes. The ugly hurdle I can’t erase requires a Man to recognize and want the reward of my full value not just momentary surface-level thrill rides. He’s thoughtful, kind, and again…intentional, and navigating my hurdle won’t be taken lightly.
His life is much more and less complicated than mine. Even scaled back, the intensity of us either takes up room he likely didn’t have or demands an involvement he wasn’t ready to take. Will he want or be able to find space for Us? Does he want the intensity of Us? Or will he make us scale back so far that we only starve what could be?
~sigh~ I trust The Universe. I trust him. I follow the positive energy.
But maybe it’s time the Lioness downshifts, stops running, and simply matches pace with what he’s offering at the moment. I hate watching time and opportunities evaporate, but I can’t propel this journey alone nor from the fucking sidelines. If I’m not truly in the game, there’s no point in running in circles.
~DominaKat
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