In Vanilla Love

12.01.23

I realized in mid-August (three month ago) when I couldn't find a single spark of anger despite irritation and total disagreement that I was falling in love with him.  

End of October when my Lioness lost her ever-lovin mind, I had no choice but to face I was in love.  

Tonight, in the shower, while getting ready for original plans, the only urge I felt was to shrug off the sure guarantee of COVID, and get to Him, so my hands could ease His pain and my soul could sink into His/Our energy.

And that's when it smacked me in the face...I'm in vanilla love with Him.  

Fuuuuuuuck me.  THIS...this is something ALL together different.  

My emotions aren't dependent to a dynamic, to an exchange, to acts of Dominance or Pain or good Dick.  ~sigh~  Hell...if I'm being honest, they aren't even dependent on knowledge, access, or consistency.  There are no strings attached or circumstances that frame my love—AKA boundaries that could protect me.  It simply is.  He calls to me in ways I have no words for.  

Damn...more Lioness shit.

The Universe's sense of irony is not lost.  I've spent nearly 14 years investing in The Lifestyle, seeking all the things I've longed for in a Partner and to experience, yet here I am smack dab, neck deep in vanilla emotions that I did not/cannot negotiate with.  Apparently there is no consent in in love-ness.  

I haven't done this since Boyz II Men were cool.  I should be terrified, stressed, or maybe even pissed off.  Instead I simply am.  Maybe a little...dazed and completely out of my fucking element, but the easy acceptance of my now total loss of control is striking, and there's nothing to with any of it—except to just be.
~DominaKat

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