The Universe's Demand for Balance

Damn...I can feel it fucking stalking me, slowly, like a wary animal assessing a new foe.  I'd hoped the amplified energy I've learned to cultivate would be a wall it couldn't penetrate.  As the brain chemicals start to ebb, the dull headache and dizziness begin to take hold.  Balance.  ~drinks water~  Still it comes...relentlessly creeping forward.  I meditate.  I stretch.  Balance.  Yet none of it is enough to avoid Top drop's vicious jaws.  ~sigh~

I just wish the physical transition paid the balance due, but it's never enough.  The Universe will only be satisfied once a full payment clears.  I must surrender.  In the absence of an Owner, I must face the empty throne I hold in my soul.  Balance.  I'm not sure there is anything crueler for someone who identifies as property.  The emotional pendulum swing will leave me nearly crippled.  I'll be on my knees soon, head pressed to the cool wood floor, wishing somehow that the tears could flow and release the incessant pressure in my body.  

After every class taught, after every scene Topping...this is where I eventually find myself—wishing for the hands of a competent Man, who could absolutely easily bring a harmonious balance to my world.  His hand clenched in my hair to guide me home where I belong...comfortably and safely under Him.  To His Dominance, His Pain, His Lust, His Greed, His Demand that I give everymotherfuckinthingihavetogive to Him until my soul spills at His feet.  Balance.

Fuck...I don't want to need.  Want is fine.  Want is optional.  Want is negotiable.  Need...unfulfilled need can destroy.

~sigh~ I'll do my penance and find no solace.  Eventually exhaustion and the Top Crash will overwhelms me and send me into oblivion.  Balance due will then be paid, and I'll even back out.

Thankfully...the session was absolutely fuckin worth it.  My Sadist grows.  That bitch is gonna be hell on me.  lol
~DominaKat 

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